halifax
henry briggs was widely considered to be one of the 3 greatest mathematicians of the 17th century. the other being john napier. briggs excelled at university, became the father of modern mathematics, and went on to encourage the use of log tables - to promote his range of garden furniture.samantha needs to nip out now as she has to buy a present for her new gentleman friend, who likes to play with his model boats at bathtime. samantha says she thought about him long and hard and decided to give him a little tug for his birthday.
twee
i bet you look good in that.
do unto others
im terribly miffed and disappointed. some of my so-called 'friends' are pathetic.say if a meeting has been fixed, but one is unable to attend, common courtesy suggests that that person should contact all involved to inform them. especially if they have been waiting for news from him/her for quite a while.yet not even a hint of an apology.
absolute revulsion.
the night my cucumber came up
samantha tells me she has to nip out now as shes off to meet a gardener gentleman friend. she says hes recently planted an apple orchard with a view of getting into commercial production.samantha says that if his forcasts are correct hes going to be really big incider.
Schindler
everything changes. are we to take with us only the memories. or are memories the only thing we leave behind. what are memories and what are they worth. no.what is this illusory phase called lifenone of our achievements or failures really matter
everything comes and passes, rises and falls
everything is nothing
lonely hearts columns have been around since the dawn of history. archaeologists have even discovered lonely hearts messages in cave paintings. a charging bison meant that the suitor was strong willed, a running antelope indicated a young athletic type, and a hyena in flames meant a non smoker with a good sense of humour.
what connects the following items?
putting garlic in your shoes, putting a frog in your mouth, eating chocolates, kissing a mouse, taking laxatives.
the answer is theyve all been suggested as cough cures.
i was dubious about the laxative cure so i tried it myself. take a strong one and youll be afraid to cough too.
look in the pot
a couple go for a meal at a chinese restaurant and order the "chicken surprise". the waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot. just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly with two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.
"good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband. he did not, so she asks him to look in the pot. he reaches for it and again the lid rises, he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down.
rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over and demands an explanation.
"sir," says the waiter, "what you order?" the husband replies, "chicken surprise."
the waiter replies "so solly i bring you the peeking duck"
advice
it is repulsive to have a person behaving with an 'im-too-good- for this-company" attitude. its appalling when an attractive person does it, but when an ugly and silly person does it... well. evolution is no doubt assigning such cumstains to early evolutionary cul-de-sac. too bad its not working faster than it should.on another note, all that drama about denied chances/ unrequitted love... etc is a bloody waste of time. if you like somebody, fuck the consequences. if u dislike someone immensely, just kill them. something not going your way? kill the opposition. an event not working out as planned? fuck them all, electrocute everyone in the building and burn the event down. sabotage your friends just because you feel like it. see that car you like? smash its windows cause you probably cant afford it. cant afford diving? set the dive boat alight and get away on one of the two lifeboats and leave a hole in the other so that you can watch the fuckers drown.
yeah.
youll feel much better living on an adrenaline high.
fact
gardening question:when i was a child i remembered my grandmother stroking the weeds in her garden. why might she have done this?answer:to kill them.if you wear a woolly glove over a rubber glove and dip your hand in weedkiller you can kill your plants by stroking them. and if you pull off the woolly glove with your teeth you can kill yourself too.
